How to Celebrate Mother's Day as an Adult

As society is changing, many adults are choosing not to have children. This is leaving many of us as adults in our late 20s and beyond still feeling obligated to celebrate Mother's Day, but what if we don't want to continue doing so? At what point does this end? Should it end? There are a lot of feelings to explore as a childless adult with wanting to own your independence, but still be sensitive to the feelings of others.

What does Mother's Day mean to you as an adult? Many of us have never reflected on this and, instead, are going through the motions of the holiday without truly reflecting on why. As a child, Mother's Day meant making a fun craft, usually involving art and flowers, and making mom breakfast in bed. I had fun working with dad and my siblings to create a surprise filled day for mom! As I got older, it started to transform to a day of chores, which I was old enough to understand why this was helpful for mom, but it still started to lose it's allure. Now as an adult, I feel confused. I love my mom and believe she deserves to be celebrated, but I also feel pressure to do certain things and make this day look a certain way for her. I know that my mom's feelings would be hurt if I stopped celebrating, but I also know that I dread the forced celebration every year. I feel as though a phone call and a card should be plenty. Maybe a nice brunch if I am able, but much more than that leaves me feeling unsure. So how do adults in similar predicaments proceed?

One option, of course, is to ignore how I am feeling and power through the day. For those of us who live close to our mothers, it is not a huge inconvenience and a lot of us feel obligated to do something. A brunch or a dinner is usually doable and this is a holiday that we can plan ahead for each year, so why not just do it? On the surface, sure, this seems easily doable and like something that we all should do for our moms at least once a year...until we consider the complications. Some of us are married or have step-parents and have two or more moms to celebrate, some people have unhealthy relationships with their moms, some people don't have the financial means.

Another option could be to slowly dwindle down what you do on Mother's Day, until you eventually get to a comfortable spot with your celebration. Maybe you would prefer to just send a card eventually, but have regularly been doing big celebrations. You could start by toning it down slowly. Maybe try doing brunch and no gift one year. Then a smaller brunch, until you get to a point where you are comfortable. Think about what your goal is long-term with this holiday: to show mom appreciation, or to spoil mom? Those are two very different things and both are perfectly fine.

As adults, I really think that it is important for us to decide what this holiday means for us, as well as what it may mean to our moms. If you are wanting to show your mom appreciation, a nice card and some printed photos, chocolates, or flowers can go a really long way. A phone call where you ask her about her day and visit in that way is still showing appreciation. Hallmark holidays like this one can be confusing and feel like a lot of pressure, but we have the right to establish our own boundaries and decide what appreciation looks like to us. If you are someone who loves spoiling your mom on this holiday, there is no reason to stop what you are doing, just be sure that you are paying attention to your own feelings and are being honest and genuine with yourself. Loving someone does not mean that we have to give more of ourselves than we would like. This can, and likely will, fluctuate on a regular basis too. This year you may find it suits you to send a card and call her, but maybe next year you decide a spa day would be fun. Be honest with yourself and be sure to define what the holiday means to you each year.